Double Dating

This weekend, my husband and I had the wonderful opportunity to do some socializing. The children came with us, but even so, I was very excited to go and have dinner with friends. This wasn't any dinner, though. This was the low-pressure, but pressurized none the less, half-blind double date. This is defined as two moms who like each other enough to introduce spouses into the equation. When this happens, you know that things in your mom relationship are moving to The Next Level. You are making a commitment to each other that your relationship is important enough to involve the absent party. This meeting also comes during a time that is traditionally reserved for important family-type activities: the weekend. It's important to understand that involving your partner on the weekend with a mom you hang out with during the week is a very important step-forward in the relationship. Akin with meeting the parents, this initial meeting is important. Will they get along? Will they act normally? Will they like each other enough so that in the car they utter the magic words: "That was fun." (That's as enthusiastic as my husband usually gets). If you are already at the meeting the partner stage, you and your special mom friend have probably progressed in the relationship enough to poke a little nervous fun at the dads in advance. All thats left is to hope for the best. There are three ways this can go:

The Absentee Father:

This guy obviously doesn't want to be there. Maybe he's more interested in watching the game on TV, and if your husband is too, this can actually be a good thing. But this particular dad-species isn't interested in interacting. Maybe he is being rude to your mom friend, or his kids. Maybe he is on the phone or computer the whole time, or not talking to you or your husband despite your best efforts. If you are the only other couple there, this can become a very awkward situation. It can even break-up your mom friend relationship. Or down grade the status.

Just Enough to Make It Work:

This is a great outcome. The dads get along well enough. They make successful small talk and there aren't any uncomfortable moments between them. Your mom friend likes your husband well enough, too in these situations. It's pretty easy and straight forward with these meetings.

Fireworks:

When the dads act like long lost friends. They enjoy each other as much as you and the mom do, and everyone has a fantastic night. I've noticed that more often than not, fireworks happen when you don't have the kids with you. My husband has lots of trouble multi-tasking as it is, and having to watch the children and be social is difficult for anyone. The Fireworks times are when everything is going well and for a few minutes, everyone forgets they have children. I love those moments.

With our big moment this weekend, my husband did well, considering that we are trying to renovate, and the morning of our dinner he was moving all of our stuff into the house. The two dads talked about gardening, home renovation, bike commuting, and other things I didn't pay attention to. All in all, it was very successful. I, on the other hand, was tired, and kind of out of it. The kids were playing nicely, my mom friend and I were chatting away pleasantly, and I kept zoning out. On the way home, I was thinking about how worried I was over nothing. My husband, as always, had performed admirably. He looked great, was sweet, and watched the kids a little so I could have some fun. I was tired, probably acting weird, and disheveled from trying to get everyone ready. I realized for the first time, that it was ME I was more worried about the husband not liking. I mean, I really like this mom friend, and would love it to work out for the long haul. It's important that the spouse likes, or even tolerates you if you want a good relationship.

This morning, I called my mom friend. To my relief, she made sweet comments about my husband, and wanted to hang out again! My socialization skills must be less than zero at this point, though, since I was so relieved. It goes to show you, though, that a lot of times you can over analyze your mom relationship, and attribute a lot of pressure to events that go along very smoothly and that are actually set up to be successful. I went away from that situation with lots of information. I learned something new about myself, I introduced my husband to my friend, my kids had fun, we had a great time chatting with adults, and I loved my husband a little more. It was a pretty successful double date, I'd say.