When I became someones mother back in 2006, I really knew nothing. I know that a lot of people say that, and they'll give you examples about their bodies changing, their sex lives being different, their family relationships evolving, but for me, the BIGGEST shocker of all was the totally bizarre sub-culture of Mom Dating. I can still remember my first glimmer of how terrifying this new stage would be. I was at my son's swimming class at the local YMCA, and had been to a couple of the sessions. He had a birthday coming up, and I was going to work up the courage to ask a few of these mom's to bring their kids and come to the party. I can remember making the invites and stressing that I didn't really know the parent's names. I had a knot in my stomach, though, about ONE invitation. It was going to a kid named Sam, and his mom. I couldn't remember her name for the life of me. While that would have normally been just fine, I really wanted to make her invite special because I was also working up the courage to ask her for her number. My goal was to try to befriend this person, because she seemed cool, and her kid didn't suck. I thought that maybe we could grab some coffee sometime after swimming. I know I had a whole plan in mind, and I even psychotically wrote down my number to make it easy to hand off to her. I obsessed about every detail. Of course, the outcome was that she never showed up to swimming again, and I had spent a ton of time thinking about how to do something so seemingly simple, but that was nerve wracking in a way I never expected. That's when I really started thinking about Mom Dating.
I couldn't believe no one had told me about this scary, shaming, right-back-in-high school scene that I was jumping into. I was going to have to force myself to interact with tons of people. This would not be some mutual interest based meeting, either. It would be interaction based solely on the fact that we had kids in tow. I would be spending my time making small talk with strangers because our kids were playing together at the park, or we were waiting in line for the same class, the list goes on and on. I felt like I had been thrust back into the world of dating, with fears of rejection, incompatibility, and judgement looming at all times. With mom dating, there are several different categories of relationship.
The Non-Starters:
The Non-Starters are the moms you meet out in the wild and the relationship doesn't get off the ground. These are the people that you see at the park, and while Non-Starters aren't always BAD interactions, they fail to get to first base for whatever reason. Maybe your kids started fighting. Maybe the conversation lagged between you two, maybe someone pooped/fell down/ate Bum Gum off the sidewalk and one of you had to run off mid interaction. Maybe you were just too tired of trying to meet other mom's and you didn't care enough to get her number because you were content just having a nice interaction and letting the ships pass in the night.
The No Way In Hells:
I still remember little Magnus at the Gymboree music class. He was quite large for a 4 year old, and was one of those kids that asserts that draws your attention. Much like a pit bull in your periphery. Well, my sweet son, who is quite bossy to his sisters, but very mild mannered in general and usually just happy to be included in games, is quite small. He's thin, not short. Anyway, Magnus had it in for my kid in the music circle. When they were dancing around with scarves, he went over to my kid and tried to take his by force. When my little man kept a hold of it, Magnus didn't like that and started shoving him. Magnus' Mom, Brunhilda I imagine her name was, called out in a sing songy voice "Magnus! You're being so silly." Yeah, Brunhilda, I'll never be chatting you up as we put the kids' shoes on.
The Play Buddies:
The equivalent of FBs in sexual dating, these moms are people you would go to a Museum or other public even with on occasion, but spend the majority of the time together interacting with your own kids and just basically parallel playing with each other. They are nice people that you run into at the grocery store and say, "Oh yes. We should definitely get together and play," and then go to an occasional organized even that doesn't require a lot of interaction on your part. Personally, I try not to waste my time on these, because I have had the real thing. It is sweet, my friends.
The Real Deals:
These are the Magical People. This is your best friend from college who has kids right around the same age as you (Lender!!), this is your childhood friend that you've reconnected with and fallen in love with her all over again (Megan!!), and, on very rare occasions, this is someone that you meet at the park, or standing in line, or at a class, or through a mutual friend (AnnMarie!!). Having these people in your life is vital to your survival. Because let's face it, husbands are great. They co-worship your children, but they do not live in the vast terrain of motherhood.
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